What's 6 x 12?

Hey everybody, here is a copy of a letter I just got from my new favorite author, Isaac Aronson. He even called me his good friend, can you believe it? You should all go buy his book. It's awesome!

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Dear Billy,

First of all, thanks for the book. I did not yet have a copy and I look forward to being able to read it. Yes, it is interesting that we have the same favorite author. Though I am somewhat concerned as to how you came by that information. Are you stalking me? Just kidding. If you were, I would tear you limb from limb and use your body parts for sexual gratification.
As you probably know from stalking me, I am coming to your town soon on my book tour. You should come in and buy a signed copy of my book. No, I can’t sign your current copy because I need to artificially enhance my sales figures. Please understand that I am doing this for you and all my other readers. If I don’t sell enough copies of this book I will never be able to swindle my publisher into a second and I know how much you want a second book. So how about coming by and buying a signed copy. That way you can a have a copy to put on display – the signed copy – and a copy to read – the one you already have. You should also consider buying more signed copies to give away as gifts. Nothing makes a great gift like a signed book. Even for toddlers and people who can’t read.
As to the questions in your post script: no, I am not married. Yes, I do have a girlfriend. No, you can’t meet her. And finally, yes, yes, no, 3, and green.

You good friend,

Isaac Aronson

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Ha! I love that. I am good friends with a selling author. You wish you could be as cool as me. I know it.